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This is my website, and this is its home page.

The website was set up over 7 months from November '04- June '05. It went up on the 22nd June, after which i promptly went on holiday and forgot about it. Then I returned, and it will be updated as necessary every week. Directly below is my weekly update thing, you should read it, it's really funny, and then below that are the permanent homepage things. Go forth and multiply.

LOOK HERE! SOMETHING IMPORTANT!

THE WEEKLY UPDATE HAS A NEW HOME! GO TO

http://www.exposure.org.uk/joey/wordpress/

SOME PRAISE FOR JOEY'S UPDATE:

"IF YOU READ THIS YOUR LIFE WILL BE BETTER! NOT A GUARANTEE BUT PROBABLY!"

"READING THIS WILL BE A BETTER USE OF YOUR TIME THAN WHAT YOU WERE ABOUT TO DO INSTEAD"

The usuals...

There's a story behind this page, and it's pretty interesting too. I have decided, for the pleasure of you, the visitor, to write it all out, unedited, uncut, in full, right here, right now, and you are going to reach this ground breaking, emotional, thrilling and definitive piece of expert literature in about three or four lines' time. You may want to tell your friends about it after you have read it - you may feel that it is too good not to be shared with the world. You may, alternately, be a selfish person, and want to keep the story to yourself, because a) you feel nobody else is worthy of reading such genius, or b) you want to be the first to tell everyone about it before it becomes a national craze. And so it begins...

Here's a joke which was told to me the other day by a guy called Michy. At the time it was just rubbish.

There's an Englishman, a Scotsman and an Irishman. They were going through SAS training, and had all made it to the final stage, but it turned out only one of them could go through and be in the SAS. They were all sat in a room, and told that there were 3 rooms, in each of them sat their mothers. They would have to go into the respective rooms and there would be a gun, and to prove they had no doubts about shooting people, they would have to shoot their own mother. The Englishman goes in first. After a silence, he comes out in tears, exclaiming that he just couldn't do it. The SAS official sends the Scotsman goes in, and after a silence, he also runs out, emotionally exclaiming that he was also unable to shoot his mother. The Irishman now goes into his room. Whilst he is in there, the SAS official explains to the other two that the gun isn't actually loaded, that they just wanted to see if they would have the guts to fire, that they would never actually allow anyone to get shot. After a while, from the Irishman's room, groans and shouts are heard, and finally a thump against the wall. The Irishman emerges, tattered and gasping. "What happened?!" exclaims the SAS official. "Well," the Irishman says, "I fired the gun. Turns out it wasn't loaded, so I had to finish her off myself."

On reflection I think its quite funny. If you disagree then take it to Michy.

Here is a riddle. Send your answers in to whoever you think needs them the most.

One day you see this guy. He comes up to you and says "I am lying." Is he?

And Another:
There are these 12 people. They each carry either weapons or jewelry, but some carry gardening equipment or internal organs. Some of them are only partially sighted as well. Who are they?

Another:
There's this woman. She lives alone, nobody ever enters or leaves her house. One day she turns off all her lights and leaves. This results in the death of 15 men. Why? Hint: All but one piece of the information in this is irrelevant as to why they died.

Lastly
You live in some tall flats. One day you are walking down the stairwell and this man called Jim passes you, going up. You get outside and the weather is lovely, so you go down to the shop and buy an ice lolly, one of those ice pop things which come in cola or blueberry and cost around 20p. Then you come home and revise because you have GCSEs. The next day, you again are going out, but decide to take the lift. When it reaches the bottom and you get out, the man you saw the previous day (Jim) gets in. You get outside and the weather is not so good - its raining. After all, it is England. So this time you go to the shop and buy an umbrella so you dont get wet. You go back outside the shop and its stopped raining, because thats just the kind of thing that always happens, and you feel too stupid to go back into the shop and ask for a refund, so you go home with your redundant umbrella and do more revision. The question is this: Why does Jim take the stairs some days and the lift others?